Understanding our childhood doesn't mean we're blaming our parents. There is a difference between blame and awareness. When someone goes into blame, there's usually a lot of underlying shame.

–🦋

to hate
is an easy lazy thing
but to love
takes strength
everyone has
but not all are
willing to practice.

–🪷

I fall for raw conversation, those in which I know the person is not playing, not pretending to be someone they aren't. I fall for carefree, inadvertent smiles, those which aren't intended to impress another. I fall for what is real, I fall for the souls, not the skin carrying it.

–🦋

“Before you, I never smiled. I never laughed. I’d forgotten how. I was alone, and I didn’t know any other way. But you saved me. You make me feel appreciated, needed, wanted. You brought me out, and you gave me reasons to laugh again.”

📖: Until Friday Night

Suatu hari nanti —
kamu tidak lagi berharap senang melainkan tenang.
Memilih dimengerti bukan lagi dicintai.
Lebih peduli diterima daripada dipuja

I promise you, it's not overthinking when you're right about it, it's not overreacting when your mental health is triggered, it's not oversensitive when you share your feelings, it's not oversharing when you communicate your needs, and it's not over feeling when you're vulnerable.

–🦋

Happy New Year 🤍🦋

“And in the end, we were all humans; drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.”

—🦋

“In the silence, I suddenly understood the many ways a person can die but still be alive.”

–🦋

People are just people. It takes a lot to become a human.

–🌷

I am slowly learning what it means to be human.

I am slowly learning how to forgive the past. How to accept that sometimes beautiful things end, that sometimes the timing isn’t right, that sometimes the messiness of life gets in the way. I am slowly learning that endings aren’t something to be upset about, but rather, I am slowly learning how to appreciate how damn lucky I was to experience something real and hopeful, and light in a world that sometimes fails to be soft.

I am slowly learning how to be alone. I am slowly learning how to wake up in the middle of the bed. How to make just one cup of coffee in the mornings. How to hold my own heart, how to take up my own space. I am slowly learning how to stop filling voids with other human beings, and instead, I am slowly learning how to confront the void itself. How to heal it.

I am slowly learning what it means to be human. What it means to make mistakes and learn from them. What it means to be both happy and sad at the same time. I am slowly learning how to do the damn work. How to stop running from what is heavy and uncomfortable in my life. How to take the easy route less and less. How to grow myself, and how to be a better person.

But most of all, I am slowly learning how to just be in this moment. How to exist. How to understand that  I cannot control life, that I can only experience both its light and its dark stages. I am slowly learning how to laugh and cry and feel through it all, how to welcome the confusion and the joy that come with loving and living and breaking. I am slowly learning how to accept where I am.

I am slowly learning how to simply believe in the person I am becoming.

May 19 ; 🌷

After such a long time, I'm going to make this channel a public channel. 🫶🏻🦋

When the world is quiet and you’re truly alone and with your mind, what do you think about? What do you hope for? Follow that.

–🌷

At the end of the day, it is quite simple — there are so many uncertain and confusing things in life, but love should never be one of them. Love should never be one of them.

—🌷

I hope you learn how to let go.

I hope you learn how to let go of everyone’s opinion of your life. I hope you start to see, from a place that lives deep within you, that there is no universally correct way to live a life that is solely your own. Every human being has different goals, has different concepts of what happiness looks like, and has a different concept of what it truly means to be alive. And because of that, people will judge you — the world will try to change you, but you must continue to move in your own direction, you must continue to go at your own pace because if you allow for that to alter your path you’re going to end up living someone else’s life. I hope you learn how to make your life your own. I hope you learn how to make your time here something you are proud of.

I hope you learn how to let go of the comparison you hold so closely to your chest. I hope you strive to dismantle the distractions, I hope you strive to see beyond what is manicured and what is filtered in this life. You are a real human being who is living and breathing in this world, who is healing through and moving through seasons of beauty and seasons of change and seasons of evolution every single day. Your experience in this world will never be perfect, will never be faultless — but it will be real. It will be honest. I hope you learn how to embrace that.

I hope you learn how to let go of your tendency to favor distance over depth. I hope you learn how to open to this world, and how to let love pour into your life. We often protect ourselves from seeming too eager or too interested; we hold our feelings back because we don’t want to seem overly emotional or tender. We silence our instincts, we bankrupt our souls, and at the end of the day, we feel alone. I hope you learn how to let go of your fear, I hope you learn how to remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with vulnerability, with being human, with unhinging your rib cage and sharing your heart with this world. There is beauty to be found in being the person who cares. So care.

I hope you learn how to let go of a love that won’t love you back. I hope you learn how to let go of the stories you tell yourself, of the ways in which you have let all that has hurt you, all that has bruised your soul,  convince you that you needed to settle for less than what your heart desired. I hope you learn how to let go of the parts of yourself that make you feel like you are not worthy of the kind of love that teaches you and hopes for you. But above all else, I hope you learn how to let go of the idea that you cannot be this person for yourself. You are your own safe place. Make your alone a beautiful place to be.

Most of all, I hope you learn how to let go of the idea that it’s too late. It is never too late to change your life. It is never too late to become the person you have always hoped you could be or to love the way you have always wanted to love. We often forget that we are not bound by our past. We don’t have to be who we were a year ago, we don’t have to make the same mistakes we did when we were younger; we can want different things, and we can grow. We have to believe that we are never too old, never too jaded, and never too broken to take our first steps toward change. We wake up every single day with the ability to start fresh  — it is never too late to take advantage of that. It is never too late.

—🌷

They are disgusted by my blood but they love to watch me bleed.

—🌷

A daughter should
not have to
beg her father
for a relationship.

—🌷

What you see is what you get and what you want, but that’s not all there is.

—🌷

you look just like your mother

             i guess i do carry her tenderness well

you both have the same eyes

             cause we are both exhausted

and the hands

             we share the same wilting fingers

but that rage your mother doesn’t wear that anger

             you’re right
             this rage is the one thing
             i get from my father
 
 

🌷; (homage to warsan shire’s inheritance)