What is depression

What’s your biggest insecurities?

Mentally drained. Was it too much to be appreciated ? For who I am?

Remember That ; Doubt creates mountains of trouble .. !! And Faith makes way out of the mountains !!
Be Happy Stay Safe 😊

I was just sharing about my day with you and you just...... ignore...... me......

My Cursed Week -kinda-

2 Oct 2020 Friday
- i make a mistake about my friend's key.. I lost it.. But then i found it and gave it to her. I thought it was settled.. But she making it even worse and make my mistake even bigger. Suddenly my body shaking and run to the toilet with blade on my hand. I felt like a failure.. Even it just a small mistake but she make it even bigger. Besides, she update a status about me.. Make me feel even more a failure..
So i cut my left hand as much as i could.. Lots of cuts from wrist until elbow.. Then the class ended, i straight away go to my dorm and sleep.. Suddenly i woke up bcuz my phone was ringing.. It was my parents.. Im not in a mood but then my dad says, he regret for calling me.. Again i felt such a failure.. Much more than usual.. Then again i run into toilet and cut my right hand, more cuts than my lefts..
Then that night, im hurting so much.. Ive been crying all day from morning till night.. I desprately need a hug but i dont have any.. Then i just go to some random dormmate that trustworthy to hug her.. I tried so hard not to cry but the moment when i got the hug, i burst into tears..

3 Oct 2020 Saturday
Im still on my major mental breakdown and trying to let it out by take a morning walk and playing basketball with one of my friend.. After that, I spend a lot more time on my bed all day..

4 Oct 2020 Sunday
My BF changed.. More than usual.. He didnt even replying even he saw my notification.. He said he need time and dont need my calls.. He said it since 2 Oct.. But today, a bit more further..
Than that night, he broke up with me..
I lost myself.. I got fight with my friends and parents, then i got major mental breakdown, then my ex broke up with me AT THE SAME TIME..
I tried to sleep but i couldnt..
Tomorrow i got class.. But i couldnt sleep..
Suddenly i cant breathe, i felt uncomfortable.. Like seriously couldnt breathe!! Then i text my online best friend who suffered depression.. He said i got panic attack and he tries to calm me until i fall asleep...

I cried everynight.. And i stop telling anyone whenever i got problem.. Even my best friend.. I tell nobody.. I face it by myself.. And i can see the incredible strength in myself..
The cuts that i made on 2 oct was gone too far

Then i promise myself i wont selfharm ever again.. Cuz im strong now..

But nowadays, when i got home from my hostel.. Sometimes im hurting live with my family..
I broke my promise not to self harm.. Last month, i overdosed myself and everynight i couldnt sleep because shortness of breathe (the effect of overdose)
Then the last time i cut myself was this morning...

Idk.. I lost hope sometimes but dont worry i will make sure to get up😊

What i learned from this cursed week... I lost trust towards everybody.. My family, my best friend, my friends, boys, everyone...
All i have to face it only by myself...

I maybe in pain and got down easily but i will make sure to get up.. I will keep myself strong because i know i could.. And i want to stay strong for you guys.. All of you.. So we could keep fighting and stay strong together.. So please, promise me.. Whatever happen, we keep fighting and stay strong...also build our strength.. Because i believe you can❤️

my girlfriend does this over the phone and it helps, share this with someone so when it happens to you, they could help

Funny when i answered teacher from anxiety disorder questions then telling that i hope people wont suicide while me thinking to end my life

Life has knocked me down a few times. It has shown me things I never wanted to see. I have experienced sadness and failures. But one thing for sure, I always get up.

Hi i love you

Please listen this till the end

That's the thing, once you've pushed them all away, you're left alone with your thoughts thinking nobody loves you.

Sometimes how do you distract yourself from having bad thoughts or suicidal thoughts? Mine is I distract myself by baking and playing games 🥰