Subscriber's submission (or admin nonsense disguised as such)

sleeper agent activation phrases (jumpscare)

000webhost
cPanel
FileZilla
FTP
WinSCP
Plesk
Weebly
NetBeans
Drupal
Bulma CSS
Cygwin
Hostinger
Webpack
Atom editor
Heroku
phpMyAdmin
InfinityFree
Freenom
PuTTY

Open a macbook: screen already on, touch fingerprint sensor and resume work immediately

Open a windows laptop: it rebooted in your bag, battery is at 3%, log in with your microsoft account, wait while a windows update installs ads for Draft Kings in the start menu