Motivation and Psychology 1620

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How to Understand If Your Relationship Has a Future

Serious relationships are a marathon, not a sprint. Some couples start with intense passion but over time the spark fades. Others move "slowly but surely" and stay together for decades or even their whole lives. Interestingly, these couples have something in common.

Your relationship definitely has a chance if:

1. You can laugh at yourself and each other
“To clarify: this doesn’t mean cruel or condescending jokes aimed at feeling superior. Such jokes damage relationships. It’s about not taking yourself too seriously and being able to kindly laugh at quirks—yours or your partner's. For example, jokes about your partner’s favorite movie, past mistakes, or selfish actions,” explains psychologist Ryan Hovess.

2. You find ways to express love in the little things
"Sex is easy, but showing love every day is much harder. There are many ways to show your partner how much you care and appreciate them. Every little gesture counts—like making coffee for them in the morning or reminding them how much you value their hard work. If partners consistently show care for each other, that’s a strong sign that the relationship has a bright future," says family therapist Kurt Smith.

3. You agree on important matters
"For a relationship to last, it’s crucial that the core values of the partners align. Research shows that the closer your views on issues like religion, money, children, and parenting, the more likely you are to stay together for life. It’s better to discuss these important life values early in the relationship since they’re unlikely to change much later on," suggests Carl Pillemer, professor at Cornell University.

4. You are tolerant of each other
"Even when your partner lets you down or behaves poorly (e.g., being late for your birthday), you assume there are reasons behind it and they didn’t act out of malice. Instead of blaming, you explain how their actions made you feel and suggest ways to prevent it in the future. If your partner keeps being late, you learn to accept it. After all, you chose this person," reminds sexologist Celeste Hirschman.

5. You don’t keep score on who owes whom
"Ideally, partners love and care for each other without expecting anything in return. They share their love 'freely,' with expressing emotions being its own reward. But that’s not always the case. In many couples, partners do nice things for each other expecting something in return, like, 'I washed the dishes five times last week!' or 'You met your friends five times, and I only met mine once!' Instead of keeping score, why not simply agree on a solution that works for both? For example, 'We both hate washing dishes, let’s take turns: I’ll do it one week, you’ll do it the next,'" suggests Ryan Hovess.

6. You don’t avoid problems but face them together
"In healthy relationships, partners don’t put off solving problems. Challenges are a part of life, and they shouldn't be seen as something bad that must be avoided at all costs. Often, facing difficulties together brings partners closer and strengthens their bond. It takes courage to deal with problems, but the reward will be a stronger and more reliable relationship," believes Kurt Smith.

7. You take responsibility for your mistakes
"It’s important that each partner takes responsibility for their actions and their consequences. If you did something wrong because you were upset or worried, it’s crucial to admit your mistake and explain yourself. For example: 'Sometimes when I’m upset, I tend to pursue you relentlessly. I understand how exhausting that can be for you.' Your partner could respond: 'Yeah, it’s hard sometimes. I tend to 'shut down' at times. I can see how that might scare you.' When partners are willing to take responsibility for their behavior, their relationship has a promising future," says sexologist Daniella Harel.

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