Hi
And that's the Answer-question!
Thank you for calling me Ellen, I really appreciate that name and those who address me that way. Thank you for your questions. I've prepared my answers as if I'm leading you through the whole story of my inner world and what I notice in myself.

I am simple in expressing my feelings, so my answers will reflect the wetness of my experience, the contradictions and internal dialogues that are talking loudly in my head.

I read the questions out loud:

- "I can't understand the idea. What do the paintings mean to me, what do I want to say with them?"
Ellen, why do you want to speak? As a person and as an artist, why?

My goal: to become a master at turning complex emotions into physical objects. Through conversations, diaries and your question, I am trying to understand how emotional states can be depicted and discussed through art objects. When conflict arises in real life, it's like I find myself in a room where someone is listening to me but not responding. I start talking to myself, reflecting the words back into my mouth, choking on contradictions and fears. The person is my art.
I am demanding! There is this frenetic creator hidden in every artist, where dialogue takes the form of a work and becomes audible. We are verbal people, and language of expression is a key part of understanding and communicating that understanding. I search for the kind of conversation in which I can find silence and a secret. An image that teaches me a new curiosity. What do I say to a person? I will support you, listen to you and, if you ask, share with you. What am I saying as an artist? The same thing, but with a completely different meaning.
Life and art are closely intertwined. And to these two identical answers, I left completely different meanings. It's these different meanings in dialogue with the paintings that I'm looking for.

-Ellen. Tell me, please share. What does it feel like to be loved? To act from a position of "absolute love" outwardly inwardly.

Love. I am now focusing on adult love, where vulnerability to reciprocal feelings diminishes in importance and comes under the control of your conscious state. "I love you even if you don't love me" is the direction I want to explore in my art over the next five years.

"I need attention, love" - why? "I need your support, don't you understand how hard this is for me?" - Why?
I feel like talking to myself again. I ask myself a lot of questions and answer them in the third person. We can wait so long for love on the outside that we don't learn to find it on the inside. But when it's on the inside, it's reflected on the outside. I feel like I'm repeating words we've heard before. But I'll tell you this with a special phrase I gift you for your question.

If you find a mole on your body at first sight, it's the mole that triggers love throughout your body. Press on when you want to remember that feeling, go back to it, and soak it into your whole body.

I love you.

-how to believe in your art?
There is an endless swarm of thoughts that no one needs my art and that's why I haven't picked up a brush in years.

I think about this often, especially when my work gets stuck in the sketching stage, like now. You know, because our studio is with Pokras Lampasas, and he comes into my part of the space, he sees me struggling with these doubts.
I can't hide, there's already one viewer. And he said an interesting thing to me.
"Why not transfer the sketches to larger sheets, use paints and liners? As long as they stay small and confined in a sketchbook, they are only visible to you. It's safe, but it limits the possibilities. If you transfer them to big canvases, big sheets, they get a chance to have a life of their own and you can really evaluate, combine and realise what the final work will be in your next exhibition."

And I agreed with my heart. Belief in your creativity begins the moment you allow your work to exist outside of your personal space. Even a simple change of tools from pencil to pen can spark new ideas.

Answer-Question N2

-How did you come to this schedule, intuitively or confronted with something?

This is my heartfelt quarantine trip to Spain in autumn 2023.
https://quarantinemenorca.events

The week was filled with lectures, art classes and networking with artists who came looking for answers. My answer was found in a lecture, in a short conversation, in one evening of solitude, in one dance, in one rose. Here are some snippets of dialogue that are particularly memorable:
- "Oh I have a boring life, Monday to Friday until 5pm there's no room for people, just colours and ideas, and then... normal life". Okay, I'll steal this idea.
- "The main thing is composition, the whole idea is built from composition, it leads to the main object, we determine who the boss is, even if there are 100 people." Okay, stealing this approach.
- "Limited edition palette, what are your own colours, how can you reduce it to 6 pieces?" Tried it. I heard it, I mixed 30 colours again.

-How do you realise that this is something to show to the world or to sell?

I have to want to buy it myself. Secondly, I have to want to be inside that painting. For me it should be stylish, have logic, have a plot and cause a desire to create a series of works on this theme. Of course, it is an inner intuition, but there are always "hint words" such as candles, dim light and an old mansion. Dialogue with yourself and questions help you "find the culprit"!

-Hi Ellen! How do you search for exhibitions to which an artist can send their work?

Google, actively use social media like Instagram and sign up to mailing lists with 'open call' adverts for artists. You can also just walk around and see where there are vacant walls, which lends itself to a less formal and more commercial approach to showing work.
I participated in a group show in Tokyo for the first time after I saw an Instagram advert for a gallery to recruit participants for a group show, The theme was "What happens in a room while no one can see". I sent my portfolio, concept work and bio there.

So I went to Tokyo and sold 2 of my 3 works there.

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Thanks for the questions, it's been a pleasure thinking with you. And I so get you, how sometimes you want to discuss your work, your feelings.

I have you and my friends, family, start ups and artists surrounding my heart. But they can't be with me 24/7 to answer all my questions. Sometimes you want to be like Tinkerbell and live in the pocket of the creators, getting support and inspiration all the time.

"You are always there for yourself," my inner voice reminds me.

Untitled. 2024

After a shower, I go to paint a new one, every single day.