When you jump up and down, you don’t jump down.

The universe became aware of itself (via life) by eating itself.

There have probably been multiple times that an animal was born with a game-changing mutation only to be killed by something outside of its control.

You might be alive today because a counselor worked really hard to convince someone to stay in treatment so they didn't drink and drive one night.

Contractions generally provide contradictory notions about one's literary ability.

I grew up when £1 was the perfect drink-or-snack amount. You could get a big drink, a big snack, or a bit of both, and it was a single coin. Kids today don’t have a nice, round “£1 amount” anymore.

The youngest photo of you is also the oldest photo of you.

At any given time, we are all one sphincter failure away from humiliation.

Humanity would progress in science so much faster if we had world peace.

I wonder if kids these days know to cut the plastic packaging around cans to save the sea turtles now that those ads don’t run anymore.

Accidentally falling from a height is a bimodal curve as it relates to pain and suffering; low height does little to no damage, a height that does permanent damage, and very high height that causes a painless and quick death.

It’s crazy that every human could benefit from therapy, yet it’s not a mandatory subject in schools. The world would probably be a little better if people knew how to listen.

A dinner knife is actually really hard to hurt yourself with, and it probably took a lot of revision for the design today to be this foolproof.

Every message is a message from a dying person.

There's probably countless combinations of three people such that you are the only person in the world who has met all three people.

The first people to ever hook up who met online were most likely scientists.

Out of all the eras to be born into, I'm glad it's one with toilet paper.

If we’re all made of stardust formed billions of years ago then the atoms that make you might have once belonged to a dinosaur, a rock, or even an alien species light years away. In a way, you’ve existed for billions of years and will keep existing until the end of the universe.

There is an absolute dazzling amount of rotations every day: cars, hard disks, bullets, clocks.

I just thought about how much bird shit we had to clean up if it never rained.