The universe is unimaginably vast, possibly infinite. You could have been an animal, an extraterrestrial or have never existed. Instead, you are a sentient human. You are forced to choose your life based on who you are and what is in your ability to control. You have no choice but to make a choice.

As a kid, you learn that hard work is important for success. As an adult, you learn that hard work alone is no guarantee of success.

Due to its position in the Sol system, every civilization on the planet Earth is a Third World nation.

Most humans are ok with being licked affectionately by strangers as long as they aren’t human.

Every photo is actually a video filmed at infinity frames per second.

No matter what it is, if humans have eaten it for food, someone has (or has at least tried) to make bread out of it.

Do cruise ships have a check engine light?

How do we know that pet food actually tastes good?

Why are there more ice queens than ice kings in fiction?

Waking up when your body is done sleeping, not when a machine tells you to, is a profound privilege that many of us won't get to enjoy as adults.

Every act of evil was committed by someone who was once a cute little innocent infant and baby.

Meme hoarders are like most of our fathers. They both collect things in hope it will come in handy one day.

When you jump up and down, you don’t jump down.

The universe became aware of itself (via life) by eating itself.

There have probably been multiple times that an animal was born with a game-changing mutation only to be killed by something outside of its control.

You might be alive today because a counselor worked really hard to convince someone to stay in treatment so they didn't drink and drive one night.

Contractions generally provide contradictory notions about one's literary ability.

I grew up when £1 was the perfect drink-or-snack amount. You could get a big drink, a big snack, or a bit of both, and it was a single coin. Kids today don’t have a nice, round “£1 amount” anymore.

The youngest photo of you is also the oldest photo of you.

At any given time, we are all one sphincter failure away from humiliation.