"Don't fall in to the temptation of defining yourself easily."

#mantra? from a #random voice that just spoke in my head

Holy Effing Shit. Finally. After three months and a half... I present to you: #file

#commentary: this year's New Year story... saw a raise in number of characters again. and by a "raise" I mean like. a boom of it. I nearly wrote for 20 characters! The shit is almost a hundred pages, and it reaches 30k words!! >:0

So said, I met a lot of obstacle while writing it. I tried my best to create some story arcs within them, multiple of them even, given the number of characters...

But I still can't help but feel like there's a lot of uhm. Exposition, compared to action. I just have no idea how else to do that while there's so much thing happening in the background of the story, and also a lot of contexts needing to be explained due to a lot of developments in the family in the last year...

But yeah. I pulled through. I finished it again. And I'll fucking do it again next year. I will learn, but the lesson is not "don't do it next year" but rather "let's do better next year." So said, I'll be writing some personal evaluation report, I don't know whether any of you would be interested on that, so I'll just keep it for myself (except there's enough people interested to read it).

"After all, I'm just a wild a beast,"

so he said with a humble, tilted grin,

while his eyes hid a shine

both vicious and intelligent.

#random flash of image

You and I, are like a spell;

You said, being with me
quieten your mind,
giving you something
akin to peace.

I say, being with you
turns me into a woman
I thought I'm not;
one that's more innocent
than I am.

You and I, we are like a spell...

unifinished #draft (10.04.2025)

Jolting awake at night I
look down to search for you;
I saw that you're still asleep
safely, soundly, and I sighed
over your head, arms tightening
around you.

And I thought to myself, let it be:
let it be that memories
of violence
stay with me.

So you may stay
soft and warm.

I just want you—
need you—
to stay soft and warm
and safe.

So when
my blades fall and
my bones grow cold,
I'll know:

you'll always be there
as a home for me
to return to.

#draft, one side

Drifting awake at night, I
looked up at your sleeping face;

Stern, and distant,
I wondered:

why must the world be
such an unforgiving place?

And I could only pray
and pray
and pray

(even when it hurts,
even when it claws on me,
even when it's the last
and only thing
I could do)

that one day we shall arrive
in a gentler world
and quieter nights,
where even you

could slumber
in peace.

#draft, the other side

Ah, the world seems
a little brighter,
a little more
right

when I have you
to love gently.

#verse first side's afterthought

#commentary

Just had to help with extended-extended-family gathering this weekend. Over a hundred people came—that wasn't everyone in the family tree yet. My great grandparents had 11 kids. My grandparents had 14. Boi.

And yeah, I'm not the most knowledgeable about my family tree. That's why the feeling of "forgotten steps"

And I swear;
I thought I have forgotten
and I thought I wouldn't have cared
if I stayed forgetting.

But as the paths of forgotten
past were pointed to me,

I found myself
poring over them.

It seems as if
I couldn't help
but to search
for fragments
of myself.

#random, unexpected continuation. #verse

#commentary have you ever thought about this humane obsession, of becoming "whole"?

Btw, I have an informal "workshop" channel: https://www.tg-me.com/+nWIyQVflEv80YzU1

I think I have mentioned it before but I hadn't turned on comment lol. Now the comments should be enabled

... Ah, I called it workshop, but I don't actually have a program or whatever though. But I post some stuffs about writing sometimes, so feel free to discuss about that

Hear your judgement
and live by it like
you're damned;

because
there's no other way to live
that you know than this.

#random #verses #draft just passing in my mind #lotw

The future is greedy,
the past vengeful,
and the present—
absent.

#random #verse [ Blinded ]

Oh yeah, I forgot to #commentary it coz it was a scheduled post.

Basically... I sometimes have a mood or emotional state I call as "blinded." In which I'm worried for my future. May also feel bitter or regretful about the past. I can't enjoy the present because these worries/fears make me restless—or whatever is the feeling called, that is not-peace.

I can't see things clearly. That's why I call it "blinded."

... so stop running, stop obscuring your sight.

Dig your heel, and face it:







#commentary

A crone came to take my hand;
In her shriveled palm,
my grown hand seems
small.

And she said,
"Tonight you may
still be a child.

So let's take it
slowly, kindly,

until you're home."

#random #mantra

The melancholy grasps me
like a pair of damp hands
closing around my neck
in a way that is familiar
and almost,
almost,
comforting.

#random jot from a depressive night