✒️Qualifications

'So how DID you go from working at the employment records office to becoming president of MIT and CEO of IBM?' 'I guess I just have an eye for opportunities.'
https://xkcd.com/2756
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Towed Message

"Hi, what you do is fly over a designated zone and detach the--" "WE'RE SORRY, THE MOBILE CUSTOMER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS OUT OF SERVICE"
https://xkcd.com/2757
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️My Favorite Things

When an Ur guy / sells Nanni things / but the copper's bad, / He simply records his complaint for all time / "I got a bad deal / I'm maaaaad"
https://xkcd.com/2758
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Easily Confused Acronyms

'Lever' was originally an acronym for Load Emplification by the Vimulated Emission of Radiation.
https://xkcd.com/2759
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Paleontology Museum

Nowadays the only ones left that do anything are turtles.
https://xkcd.com/2760
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️1-to-1 Scale

There's a version that shows the planets with no cropping, but it's hard to find a display that supports it.
https://xkcd.com/2761
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Diffraction Spikes

Even if a planet is lucky enough to have a stable orbit that weaves between the spikes, the seasons get weird whenever it passes close to them.
https://xkcd.com/2762
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Linguistics Gossip

The E's wedding invitation definitely used the word LOVE more times than was strictly necessary.
https://xkcd.com/2763
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Cosmological Nostalgia Content

Later renouncing clickbait, Einstein called his inclusion of cosmological content in general relativity the biggest blunder of his career.
https://xkcd.com/2764
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Escape Speed

Gotta go fast
https://xkcd.com/2765
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Helium Reserve

The government has been trying to sell off the Federal Helium Reserve for a few years now, but the sale has been on hold while they try to figure out how to explain this situation to buyers.
https://xkcd.com/2766
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Recipe Relativity

It says to cut the onions into 1/4" slices, but I'd better correct for length contraction.
https://xkcd.com/2767
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Definition of e

Yeah, my math teacher back in high school set up the system to try to teach us something or other, but the 100% rate was unbelievably good, so I engineered a hostile takeover of his bank and now use it to make extra cash on the side.
https://xkcd.com/2768
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Overlapping Circles

"The Venn diagram of the sun and the moon is a circle." --someone being snarky at totality
https://xkcd.com/2769
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Tapetum Lucidum

Using a reflective wall in a game to give one shot two chances to hit is called a double-tapetum lucidum.
https://xkcd.com/2770
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️College Knowledge

'Your chitin armor is no match for our iron-tipped stingers! Better go hide in your jars!' --common playground taunt
https://xkcd.com/2771
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Commemorative Plaque

[Below] On this site on May 12th, 2023, I finally learned how to use the masonry bit for my drill.
https://xkcd.com/2772
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Planetary Scientist

This rumpled fabric at the corner looks like evidence of ongoing tectonic activity.
https://xkcd.com/2773
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Taxiing

I don't understand why anyone would pay full price for a flatbed truck rental when you can buy 'DETOUR' signs online for like $10.
https://xkcd.com/2774
🔗 @xkcdcomics

✒️Siphon

ADDITIONAL NOTES: Fixed a bug that caused some rocks to generate virtually infinite heat while just sitting there.
https://xkcd.com/2775
🔗 @xkcdcomics