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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already

@updateyourself0
Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.

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Having a stupid person join your side in an argument is worse than a smart person joining the other

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Being completely exhausted on a Friday night feels better than being relaxed on a Sunday night

@updateyourself0🏔🏔
Every piece of Rick and Morty official or fan work is canon because there are infinite realities

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Tall people get hotter showers than shorter people

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blind people wont know they're blind unless someone told them about sight

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Technically fathers day is also mother-fuckers day.

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Everything suddenly becomes funnier when you are not allowed to laugh

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A real surprise birthday is one when it's not your birthday.

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Vampires can’t even go outside during nighttime because moonlight and starlight is still sunlight.

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Scarecrows work on humans if you make them creepy enough.

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When you die, your atoms are reborn into something new, meaning that we’re all made of bodies of the past

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A smart person will simply look something up if they're unsure, but a stupid person is rarely unsure

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Phones need a 2% battery warning because 10% isn’t scary enough to get a charger.

@updateyourself0 🏔🏔
The voice in our head is always at the same volume, it's impossible to scream in our head

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No one remembers the first cup of coffee that actually tasted like you were going to drink it for the rest of your life after hating it as a kid.

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Auto correct is that kid in the class who the confidently yells out wrong answers

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Farting in a zoom meeting is more embarrassing than farting in an in-person meeting, solely because of the speech-detection feature.

@updateyourself0 🏔🏔
2025/07/03 09:04:36
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