✒️A Halloween Carol

[after a minute] "Okay, I think I've got it, thanks. Can I--" "oOOOooOOooo!"
https://xkcd.com/2836
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✒️Odyssey

Ugh, it says they attempted delivery but "Nobody was home."
https://xkcd.com/2837
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✒️Dubious Islands

Running for office in Minnesota on the single-issue platform 'dig a permanent channel through the Traverse Gap because it will make this map more satisfying.'
https://xkcd.com/2838
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✒️Language Acquisition

My first words were 'These were my first words; what were yours?'
https://xkcd.com/2839
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✒️Earth Layers

The Earth's magnetic field is primarily generated by currents in the liquid outer core, though some geophysicists argue that an unexplained mismatch with models suggests that the Kinder toy contains a magnet.
https://xkcd.com/2840
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✒️Sign Combo

Speed Limit: 45 MPH / Minimum: 65 MPH
https://xkcd.com/2841
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✒️Inspiraling Roundabout

Look, I just think we need to stop coddling those hedonistic roundabout hogs who get into the inner lane and circle for hours, wasting valuable capacity.
https://xkcd.com/2842
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✒️Professional Oaths

Interpretations of the Hermeneutic Oath differ.
https://xkcd.com/2843
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✒️Black Holes vs Regular Holes

Created by the collapse of: [massive stars] [Florida limestone bedrock]
https://xkcd.com/2844
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✒️Extinction Mechanisms

The Late Heavy Bombardment was followed a few billion years later by the Comparatively Light but Oddly Specific Bombardment.
https://xkcd.com/2845
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✒️Daylight Saving Choice

I average out the spring and fall changes and just set my clocks 39 minutes ahead year-round.
https://xkcd.com/2846
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✒️Dendrochronology

These anomalies are known as Miyake events, named for the pioneering scientist who discovered them and was tragically devoured by a carnivorous tree.
https://xkcd.com/2847
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✒️Breaker Box

Any electrician will warn you to first locate and flip the house's CAUSALITY circuit breaker before touching the CIRCUIT BREAKERS one.
https://xkcd.com/2848
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✒️Under the Stars

If you live in Los Angeles (around 33°52'N, roughly the latitude of Hermosa Beach) the black hole in V404 Cygni passes over you each day. On Christmas Day it will be directly overhead around 2pm.
https://xkcd.com/2849
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✒️Doctor's Office

"The police told me I can't be a doctor, but whenever they show up I just go into the Google Maps settings page I found and change the house to 'Police Headquarters' and then they have to do what I say."
https://xkcd.com/2850
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✒️Messier Objects

The debate over the correct Messier number for the Ship of Theseus is ongoing.
https://xkcd.com/2851
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✒️Parameterball

The ball's density also varies, but players don't learn the value until after choosing their raquets. The infamous 'bowling ball table tennis' region of the parameter space often leads to equipment damage.
https://xkcd.com/2852
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✒️Redshift

So do you have any plans for z=-0.000000000000045?
https://xkcd.com/2853
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✒️Date Line

They estimate the rocket should be free by approximately ... uh ... well, in about two hours.
https://xkcd.com/2854
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✒️Empiricism

The problems started with my resolution next year to reject temporal causality.
https://xkcd.com/2855
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